Paula Abdul Hasn't Slept at Home Since Death of Obsessed Fan

Paula Abdul was so shaken by the apparent suicide of an obsessed fan outside her Los Angeles home three weeks ago that she hasn't slept there since.

"I've been staying in different homes and hotels, and I have security with me," she tells PEOPLE.

"It was very tragic and very upsetting to hear," Abdul says of the death of Paula Goodspeed, a fan who auditioned for American Idol's fifth season. "She had tried to do this before, and it was just heartbreaking ... It was in the middle of Hollywood week, and it happened while I was actually working at the Kodak Theatre, and it was devastating to hear."

While producers were informed shortly after police discovered Goodspeed's body, no one let Abdul know until after they had finished taping Idol for the day. "It wasn't fun," Abdul says.

Ill-Timed Tragedy
The tragedy came in the middle of an extremely busy time for Abdul, who, besides working on the new Idol season, recently taped a new MTV cheerleading squad competition special, Rah!, (which airs in January) and has been preparing to launch her Forever Your Girl accessories line on HSN Dec. 13 and 14.

Yet work, she says, "gives me diversion. I always feel like if I can divert my brain to something else then I'll be okay. That's why I like to multitask."

She is also thankful to others for their help during the ordeal. "I have my family, and I have my good friends who've completely opened their hearts and their doors to me, which is great."

Abdul says she is now preparing to put her house on the market: "I am in the process of looking for another place to reside."

Reagrding details of Goodspeed's obsession, Abdul has been told not to talk about it, given the ongoing police investigation. "I'd love to tell you so much more," she says, "but I'm holding my tongue."

Obsessed Fans
Abdul similarly could not comment on the flowers Goodspeed had sent to her just before the apparent suicide, or how many times she had encountered Goodspeed since her infamous Idol audition.

This is not the first time Abdul has dealt with an obsessed fan. In 1993, "this gentleman was writing letters everyday from prison saying he was getting out in 120 days, then 119 days, all the way down to he's getting out and he's coming to get my mom and I," she recalls.

"Thank God we were in Canada for my touring, and after that we were in Washington and he made a threat against the President, so he's in jail for the rest of his life," she says. "He had tattoos of me all over his body."

After getting through her accessories launch and the new season of American Idol, Abdul says, "I'm going to go on a vacation of some sort. I haven't taken a vacation in a long time. And I'm gonna go far away so no one can find me!"

Via people.com

Paula Abdul left 'empty' by song that wasn't

Paula Abdul must be hearing double.

On a night when "American Idol" switched up the judges' format by making them hold their appraisals until every contestant had a turn, Abdul offered feedback Tuesday for two songs by Jason Castro — except that he'd only sung one.

Unlike the usual format, in which each "Idol" performance is judged immediately, Abdul, Randy Jackson and Simon Cowell were made to take notes, then offer individual critiques in rapid succession at the end of each round. The reason, Seacrest explained, was because "this show is so tight."

So after each of the final five contestants sang one Neil Diamond song, Jackson zipped through his appraisals, offering a few terse words for each before kicking it to a visibly flustered Abdul.

"Oh gosh, we've never had to write these things down ... fast enough," she began, shuffling through her notecards. "Jason, first song, I loved hearing your lower register, which we never really hear, um ... ."

And that's where it started going off the rails.

"The second song, I felt like your usual charm wasn't — it was missing for me. It kind of left me a little empty."

Indeed.

All six people on stage, including Seacrest, stared blankly (except Syesha Mercado, who wore the furrowed brow of mystification).

"The two songs," she continued, "made me feel like you're not fighting hard enough to get into the top four."

After a smattering of nervous crowd laughter, Jackson finally broke the tension.

"That was just on the first song," he said sheepishly, pointing up to Castro. "Just on the first one."

Simon Cowell closed his eyes and shook his head, and began to guffaw as Abdul's confusion mounted.

"Oh my god, I thought you — I thought you sang twice!" she said.

She explained that she got confused by looking ahead at the notes for David Cook.

At that point Seacrest, who makes his money by smoothing over situations just such as these, pointed to Abdul, saying: "You're seeing the future, baby!" before cutting her off and throwing to Cowell.

Even Cowell gathered himself to help patch up the moment, patting Abdul on the shoulder and asking, as if to speed things along, "Paula, who was your favorite?"

Her reply: Cook (the same contestant whose performance she supposedly noted as having left her "empty").

Pressed for time, Cowell then put an end to the awkward-fest by bursting into his own rapid-fire valuation: "Jason, forgettable; David Cook, just above average; Brooke (White) a nightmare; David Archuleta, I thought it was amateurish; and Syesha, I thought it was old-fashioned.

"So guys ... I want to see the performance of a lifetime coming up," he said, as if to ensure absolute clarity, "the second time around."

Abdul told "Entertainment Tonight" after the show that she was thrown for a loop when producers apprised the judges of the change "in the dark" at the last minute.

"This was officially the strangest show we've ever done," Cowell said at the conclusion of the telecast, "but I like that. It's kind of a bit chaotic tonight."

Via associatedpress